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If I Had Been Caught Earlier . . .

by Lenrony Dappione

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This was my life. Go to school, do what little homework I had left, and watch porn.

It was second nature to me. Sometimes I realized what I was doing. Other times I just wanted to have carefree pleasure.

My only regret today is not being caught earlier in my life. For being caught early would’ve probably changed my whole life.

My parents had a few hints, but I was way more tech-savvy than they were. I could easily evade and bypass any parental blocker they installed on my computer. You see, it was a choice. A choice that had consequences.

When I finally had a stable girlfriend, I had the difficulty of loving both.

“Do you even love me? Is that what you want me to look like?” were some of the few questions my girlfriend asked the day she caught me.

It happened on a Saturday afternoon. A group of friends were at my house, along with my girlfriend. I was hiding in my room, using my headphones. I thought I’d locked the door, when suddenly it swung wide open.

“Surprise!” my girlfriend said with a cheerful smile. “Wait . . . what are you doing, hon?”

It then dawned on her. She stood there, motionless and speechless. Shocked. Confused. Hurt. Disappointed.

There was nothing for me to say. I was ashamed and actually scared.

No one had ever caught me. I’d been watching porn for many years and no one knew.

She quickly, quietly, left.

We didn’t talk the rest of the day, or the next. In fact, a full week passed before I summoned up the courage to talk to her. But what was there for me to say? I could start off saying “Sorry,” but that wouldn’t fix anything. I could say “I still love you more,” but that’d imply I loved porn, too.

I honestly don’t remember the conversation of that day. I just remember bursting into tears with my girlfriend and just hugging it out.

She had forgiven me. It wasn’t easy, but she did. My whole life had changed. My private addiction was now my public temptation. Before that day, through my elementary, high school, and early college years, I put everyone on the backseat and porn in the passenger seat. 

Being caught opened my eyes that I had damaged my life with porn. I was never completely alone. My God, my family, friends, and classmates were always there, but I didn’t care to recognize them. What was destroyed was my link with God. Our connection.

Porn can ultimately ruin your place in heaven.

Today, I carry around Scripture verses in my pocket, my phone, iPad, backpack, you name it, everywhere I go. Here is one that I use to push my temptation away: 1 Corinthians 6:18. It says, “Flee from sexual immorality. All other sins a person commits are outside the body, but whoever sins sexually, sins against their own body” (NIV).*

Today, I would say to myself and to you: What would Jesus do?

I give public testimonies about letting go. It’s not a tearjerker testimony. It is a testimony about a declaration of hope and the promise of Jesus’ help. If I can do it with God’s help, you can, too. 

For more help on this issue, check out the two-part series “Porn Doesn’t Have to be the Norm” and the three-part series “Are You Dull?” at 

* Texts credited to NIV are from the Holy Bible, New International Version. Copyright © 1973, 1978, 1984, 2011 by Biblica, Inc. Used by permission. All rights reserved worldwide.Lenrony Dappione writes from Georgia.

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