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Miranda Writes: Its Like Superglue




by omar miranda



Another of my field trips through the insightmagazine.org discussion board turned up this interesting question, posted by “slightlyconfused,” that I would like to answer more deeply:

“OK, so my boyfriend has had sex with many other girls, but they meant nothing to him. I do. And I will admit I have had sex with him:/ I know the Bible says that once you have sex with someone you are bonded to them forever. Does that mean he is ‘married’ to all these other girls?”

Let me tell you—I think it’s wonderful when I see posts like this that are so open and honest about the stuff that people are dealing with. Slightlyconfused, I want to commend you for asking your question. This is a question that a lot of teens have, but a lot of them don’t ask it and just wonder about it.

To answer your question plainly, when two people have sex, God says in the Bible that they become bonded, or “superglued,” as I like to put it, to one another. Genesis 2:24 puts it like this: “Therefore a man shall leave his father and his mother and shall become united and cleave to his wife, and they shall become one flesh” (Amplified).¹ In order to understand the importance of this text, you have to understand the importance of the word “cleave”. “Cleave” means “to adhere closely; [to] stick; [to] cling” (Dictionary.com). So the word means to stick to something like glue. Once that “bond” happens—initiated by the sexual act—the two people, if they are married, become, as The SDA Bible Commentary puts it, “one in a lawful, holy union.”² But when people have sex outside of a marriage relationship, they “become one in an unlawful, unholy union. Only when it is according to God’s law can the union of the sexes be holy.”³

To clarify, let’s look at another passage of Scripture, 1 Corinthians 6:15-18:
“Do you not see and know that your bodies are members (bodily parts) of Christ (the Messiah)? Am I therefore to take the parts of Christ and make [them] parts of a prostitute? Never! Never! Or do you not know and realize that when a man joins himself to a prostitute, he becomes one body with her? The two, it is written, shall become one flesh. But the person who is united to the Lord becomes one spirit with Him. Shun immorality and all sexual looseness [flee from impurity in thought, word, or deed]. Any other sin which a man commits is one outside the body, but he who commits sexual immorality sins against his own body” (Amplified).

In this important passage the apostle Paul tells us that when a person has sex with, in this case, a prostitute (but it also applies to having sex with anyone), he becomes part of her and she a part of him. And Paul says something else that’s very interesting: “Any other sin which a [man or woman] commits is one outside the body, but [he or she] who commits sexual immorality sins against [his or her] own body.” What does that mean? Does it mean that sexual sin is greater or worse or more serious than other sins? No, Paul is simply stating an important fact that you need to know: The consequences of sexual sins are more serious and more difficult to get yourself out of than are other sins. Why? Because when God created sex, He created it to be a glue that binds a married man and a married woman to each other for life. The feelings and emotions and connections that follow the sexual act are supposed to be strong—strong enough to connect (and continue connecting) two people together physically, emotionally, spiritually for life. When a person decides to have sex with someone else . . . and someone else . . . and someone else . . . without that lifetime commitment, well, then, something else altogether happens.

I’ve been dealing with this issue of sex, sexuality, dating, and relationships for a long time with both teens and their families, and I’ve never once had to counsel a married couple who were concerned that they were addicted to sex with one another. As silly as that may sound, sex within their marriage did what it was supposed to do: it glued both of them together in a special and powerful way.

However, I have personally dealt with the devastating and difficult consequences of sexual and pornography addiction because I chose to have sex many times with many women before I got married to my incredible wife. I’ve dealt with countless other teens who were addicted to sex and porn simply because they didn’t wait to have sex until they got married. And now that they’ve started having sex, they can’t seem to stop . . . they got glued to the sex!

Do you remember the first definition of the word “cleave”? It also has a second definition, and honestly, I don’t think this is a coincidence. The word “cleave” also means “to split or divide . . . to cut off; sever” (Dictionary.com). When you continue to have sex with different people, it loses its significance, and furthermore, it messes you up by opening the door to decreased self-esteem; increased feelings of shame, guilt, anxiety, and depression; increased conflict with that special someone; and decreased closeness with God.

I find it interesting that you said that your “boyfriend has had sex with many other girls, but they meant nothing to him.” I wonder why that’s the case? Is it possible that maybe after having so much sex, for him both the specialness of the girls and the specialness of the sexual act became, well, not so special? The specialness of the sexual act is special simply because it is to be saved and done with only one person: the person you are married to and spending the rest of your life with!

I hope that you will pray and think about this whole situation and the information I just shared. And please, stop having sex with your boyfriend; you are playing with a glue that at this point—with you two not being married to each other—will stick you to the wrong things. God can help. There is great hope in Him.

Until next time, remember that God’s way is always the best way. Life is full of decisions, so make yours good ones. Make God first above all in your life, and you can’t go wrong.

Feel free to contact me: you can e-mail me at omarmiranda@earthlink.net; or you can keep up with me on Facebook; or you can read more of my stuff on Miranda Writes, at www.insightmagazine.org; or you can check me out or send me a message at my Web site, thriveatlife.org; or you can reach me via snail mail (slow!) at the address printed below.

Omar Miranda, certified Christian counselor
Abundant Life Ministries
155 Earl Street
Plainville, GA 30733
Phone: 1-770-354-2912

¹Bible texts credited to Amplified are from The Amplified Bible, Old Testament copyright © 1965, 1987 by Zondervan Corporation. The Amplified New Testament copyright © 1958, 1987 by The Lockman Foundation. Used by permission.
²The SDA Bible Commentary (Washington, D.C.: Review and Herald Pub. Assn., 1956, 1980), vol. 6, p. 702.
³Ibid.

Omar Miranda is a Christian counselor with 20 years’ experience working with youth in public and private middle and high schools. He’s married and has two kids. He enjoys teaching the youth at his church, reading, writing, gardening, and camping. He’s a recovering knucklehead who spent a lot of time in the past doing stupid stuff away from God. He’s been back with God for years now and is eager to share what he’s learned from his experiences by answering any questions you may have about life, the Christian life, Jesus, spiritual matters, and relationships in his column, Miranda Writes.





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