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Miranda Writes: Kiss and Tell? Part 2




by Omar Miranda



Last week we began discussing the important posted question: “Is kissing before marriage OK? Is it a sin?” I said that in my opinion, kissing before marriage is a bad idea and can be very dangerous, because it can lead people to places that they don’t want to go until they’re married. In fact, that’s what kissing is supposed to do—it’s supposed to get things started. I suggested that everyone wait until they’re at least engaged to be married to begin kissing, and then to limit that kissing as well.

The second reason people ought not kiss until they’re engaged is—well, just what my grandmother said to me and my cousin so long ago: “Don’t start the engine if you’re not planning on driving the car!” What? OK, I’ll explain!

The Old Testament book of Song of Solomon, written by King Solomon (writer of Proverbs and Ecclesiastes), is a very detailed and somewhat surprising book about the budding love relationship, courtship, marriage, and the sexual union that happens on the wedding night of Solomon and his wife. The purposes of this book are many: “To extol sexual love between a man and a woman united in marriage. To affirm God’s design for sexuality between a man and a woman. [And last,] to unfold the maturing of a relationship between a man and a woman before, at, and after marriage.”1

In this book Solomon says a lot about God’s view of sex, sexuality, and romantic love. If you haven’t read Song of Solomon (or Song of Songs in some Bible versions), you really should read it. There are some key passages that I want to bring to your attention. The first one is verse 2 of chapter 1, where the woman tells her fiancé, “Kiss me tenderly! Your love is better than wine” (CEV).2 What? This is in the Bible? Oh yeah, I know you’re going to read it now. It’s only eight short chapters.

Then the same woman in chapter 8, verse 1, says this: “If you were my brother, I could kiss you whenever we happen to meet, and no one would say I did wrong” (CEV).  Do you see her serious view, or rather God’s serious view, on the importance and power of a kiss?

God clearly states that love and desire as expressed in kissing and sex are a wonderful and beautiful thing, BUT they should be controlled until the proper time (marriage). Then God drops the big bomb that is spelled out pretty clearly several times throughout these chapters: Do not do anything that awakens love until the proper time (i.e., don’t start the engine if you’re not planning on driving the car!).

Look, let me be really clear: If you’re kissing your family member, a kiss on the cheek is OK. And in some cultures, kissing others on the cheek is acceptable. But when it comes to dating and kissing, the safest course of action is to just not do it.

As the book of Song of Solomon so clearly lays out, the whole purpose of kissing within a romantic relationship is not only to show the other person that you love them, but also to turn each other on—especially if you do prolonged kissing or openmouthed kissing, your bodies are all pressed up next to one another, and you already like the other person. I’ll tell you, this is a recipe for trouble. Let your love, admiration, and desire build for each other . . . but save it for the wedding night!

Song of Solomon shares one more important point: it’s hard to tell the difference between love and lust, because they both burn brightly. The only way I know to tell the difference is that lust is selfish, short-lived, and burns out, but love is selfless, patient, and like the Energizer bunny, it just keeps going and going and going.

So if you don’t want problems with other people being disrespectful of your sexual standards when you date, why not be clear and tell them up front: no kissing until you’re at least engaged, and even then be careful (remember the engine metaphor?).

I hope this information has been helpful to you in thinking about your personal standards for love, relationships, and sex. The Bible tells us that a wise person thinks before they act. In this topic, I’ve known a lot of different people to make a lot of different decisions, and let me tell you, I’ve met my share of people who, when looking back on their behavior, wished that they had slowed down and not had that first kiss. But I have never met anyone who has taken things slowly and regretted it.

Until next time, remember God’s way is always the best way. Life is full of decisions, so make yours good ones. Make God first above all in your life, and you can’t go wrong.

Feel free to contact me: you can e-mail me at omarmiranda@earthlink.net; or you can keep up with me on Facebook; or you can read more of my stuff on Miranda Writes, at www.insightmagazine.org; or you can check me out or send me a message at my Web site, thriveatlife.org; or you can reach me via snail mail (slow!) at the address printed below.

Omar Miranda, certified Christian counselor
Abundant Life Ministries
155 Earl Street
Plainville, GA 30733
Phone: 1-770-354-2912

1David Malick, “An Introduction to the Song of Songs,” Bible.org, http://bible.org/article/introduction-song-songs.
2Scripture quotations identified CEV are from the Contemporary English Version. Copyright © American Bible Society 1991, 1995. Used by permission.

Omar Miranda is a Christian counselor with 20 years’ experience working with youth in public and private middle and high schools. He’s married and has two kids. He enjoys teaching the youth at his church, reading, writing, gardening, and camping. He’s a recovering knucklehead who spent a lot of time in the past doing stupid stuff away from God. He’s been back with God for years now and is eager to share what he’s learned from his experiences by answering any questions you may have about life, the Christian life, Jesus, spiritual matters, and relationships in his column, Miranda Writes.
 





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