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Miranda Writes: Kiss and Tell? Part 1

by Omar Miranda

Pretty regularly I surf Insight magazine’s online discussion forum to see what teens are dealing with based on the questions and comments they’re leaving. I absolutely love the honesty. This week I came across this posting:

“Kissing before married. Is that a sin? Even a kiss on the cheek?”

When reading this, I remembered something my grandmother on my mom’s side told me when I was a kid. Before I tell you what she said, let me tell you a story. (You know, we older folk like to tell stories from our childhood; they’re the only things we still remember.)

When I was a kid, all year my parents would scrimp and save to send my mom, me, and my two brothers to Puerto Rico for the summer (yes, I’m a U.S. citizen) to visit with my grandparents, aunts and uncles, and cousins. We had an awesome time, building memories that I’ll cherish for many years.

I remember one summer afternoon I was talking to my cousin Obey (very cool guy) and my grandfather, Abuelito Santo (even cooler), about all the girls I liked at my school and whom I was planning on putting the charm on to get my first kiss. So there we were, several “fiery” Latin men—well, at least two “warming-up” Latin boys and one “cooled-down” Latin old man—just talking when my grandmother, walking by, “accidentally” heard the topic of our conversation. She shot us all a nasty look, smacked my grandfather in the arm, and then sharply told us two young ones: “Don’t start the engine if you’re not planning on driving the car!” As fast as she spoke, she was gone, like an old wrinkled Puerto Rican ninja!

We asked my grandfather what she meant by that. He never answered us, but looking back on my life and seeing that many of the mistakes I’ve made have revolved around the issue of sex, dating, and relationships, I’ve realized that my grandmother was right on the money.

Is kissing before getting married OK? My answer is easy and straightforward: No! Don’t kiss until you’re at least engaged, and even then a light kiss on the lips is acceptable, no more. Anything beyond that will likely get you into trouble.
The first reason I believe that kissing shouldn’t happen until at least two people are engaged is that kissing is meant to convey love, affection, and caring. However, that’s the easy—and unimaginative—way to do it; the more difficult and important way is to convey feelings of love by nonsexual words of kindness, caring, and/or thoughtful actions. “Love is kind and patient, never jealous, boastful, proud, or rude. Love isn’t selfish or quick tempered. It doesn’t keep a record of wrongs that others do. Love rejoices in the truth, but not in evil. Love is always supportive, loyal, hopeful, and trusting. Love never fails!” (1 Corinthians 13:4-8, CEV).*

I’ve seen kids get into serious problems because they started out kissing without any thoughts as to where this would lead. I’m not saying that kissing is evil or a sin, but teens aren’t known for lots of self-control or for thinking through consequences before they act. Out-of-control kissing can quickly lead to sin.
From what I’ve experienced, and from the research that I’ve read, and from the countless teens and families I’ve counseled, I have learned that guys and girls usually let their feelings and emotions get involved first in a relationship, and then their brains and logic—usually panting and out of breath—follow far behind in a cloud of dust. People like getting into relationships and falling in love because of how it makes them feel! But true love isn’t a mere feeling; it is a decision!

Instead of you rushing into a feelings-focused, physical relationship with someone—which always initially involves kissing, which leads to everything else—why not start with a facts-focused, logical relationship? What’s the rush? Take the time to suspend your emotions and feelings and get to know who that person really is. Let your head gather some facts and information before your heart gets involved: What is that person about? What do they like? What do they hate? How do they treat their friends, strangers, and families? Are they strong Christians? This is all important information that you need to know before you start expending your time, energy, and heart dating someone exclusively.

I hope this information has been helpful to you in thinking more deeply and seriously about your personal standards for love, relationships, and sex.
Next week we’ll look at another reason it’s wise to be careful about whom and, more important, when you kiss.

Until then, remember these things: God’s way is always the best way. Life is full of decisions, so make yours good ones. Put God first in your life, and you can’t go wrong.

Feel free to contact me: you can e-mail me at; or you can keep up with me on Facebook; or you can read more of my stuff on Miranda Writes, at; or you can check me out or send me a message at my Web site,; or you can reach me via snail mail (slow!) at the address printed below.

In Christ,
Omar Miranda, certified Christian counselor
Abundant Life Ministries
155 Earl Street
Plainville, GA 30733
Phone: 1-770-354-2912

*Scripture quotations identified CEV are from the Contemporary English Version. Copyright © American Bible Society 1991, 1995. Used by permission.

Omar Miranda is a Christian counselor with 20 years’ experience working with youth in public and private middle and high schools. He’s married and has two kids. He enjoys teaching the youth at his church, reading, writing, gardening, and camping. He’s a recovering knucklehead who spent a lot of time in the past doing stupid stuff away from God. He’s been back with God for years now and is eager to share what he’s learned from his experiences by answering any questions you may have about life, the Christian life, Jesus, spiritual matters, and relationships in his column, Miranda Writes.

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