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Miranda Writes: The Yoke’s on You!

by Omar Miranda

The following question was posted on the Insight magazine Web site discussion board (

“How do I say no to sex with my girlfriend without hurting her feelings? (She is not a Christian.)”—David.

Here’s my response:

David, I’m so glad you wrote! The question that you’ve posted is probably on the “top five most asked questions” list.

I am glad that you want to stay close to God and remain sexually pure until marriage. Whether or not you are a virgin, or became a spiritual virgin after you became a Christian, I want to encourage you to keep God’s standard high. I know from experience that if you lose your virginity before the right time, it’s extremely difficult to regain the emotional innocence that you had before partaking of the “forbidden fruit.”

This question that you’ve asked is serious. The bottom line is this: There’s probably no way to tell her no without hurting her feelings. You could tell her the kindest way you know how, buy her a nice dinner, buy her a dozen roses and a nice gift, and she would probably still get angry. That’s the answer, but let me ask you several questions that I hope will get you thinking about some other important issues, and then I’ll answer them as well:

• Is it wise for a Christian to date a non-Christian? Does the Bible have something to say about that?

• As a Christian, whom are you looking to please the most? God, yourself, or others? Whom should you be focused on pleasing ultimately?

• Is there at least one story of a person, maybe a teen in the Bible, who was tempted to say yes to sex with a nonbeliever? What happened? What can we learn from this story that can be applied to our lives?

• Are there specific principles in the Bible, maybe even an actual book of the Bible, that can give us some guidance on this whole issue of what is godly sex and sexuality, when we should and shouldn’t have it, with whom we should have it, and how to have it?

Let’s start answering those questions. My hope and prayer is that once you start recognizing not only who you are but, more important, whose you are, making the right choices won’t be so hard anymore.

First question: Is it wise for a Christian to date a non-Christian? No. The Bible strongly discourages it. Why? Well, the bottom line is that our non-Christian friends—and I hope that your girlfriend is at least your friend—usually have different goals, dreams, and things that they find important. And God knows that our friends have the strong likelihood of being very influential.

As Christians, our goal should be to want to please and live for God and God alone. The Bible tells us in Romans 8:5-13 that followers of Christ are ruled by the Spirit of God and do God’s will and follow His desires. But people who are ruled by the flesh instead of the Spirit of God are enemies of Jesus and ruled by their own desires and don’t want to do what Jesus wants them to do. Thus, dating a non-Christian is indeed a recipe for disaster. As is opening yourself up to the influences of people in the wrong crowd.

Let’s look at a few scriptures and see what the Bible has to say about this:
“Don’t be tempted by sinners or listen when they say, ‘Come on! Let’s gang up and kill somebody, just for the fun of it! They’re well and healthy now, but we’ll finish them off once and for all. We’ll take their valuables and fill our homes with stolen goods. If you join our gang, you’ll get your share.’ Don’t follow anyone like that or do what they do. They are in a big hurry to commit some crime, perhaps even murder. They are like a bird that sees the bait, but ignores the trap. They gang up to murder someone, but they are the victims. The wealth you get from crime robs you of your life” (Proverbs 1:10-19).1

“Wisdom will protect you from evil schemes and from those liars who turned from doing good to live in the darkness. Most of all they enjoy being mean and deceitful. They are dishonest themselves, and all they do is crooked” (Proverbs 2:12-15).

“Don’t follow the bad example of cruel and evil people. Turn aside and keep going. Stay away from them. They can’t sleep or rest until they do wrong or harm some innocent victim. Their food and drink are violence and cruelty. The lifestyle of good people is like sunlight at dawn that keeps getting brighter until broad daylight. The lifestyle of the wicked is like total darkness, and they will never know what makes them stumble” (Proverbs 4:14-19).

Now, not all non-Christians are evil, murderers, and criminals. However, these passages let us know that non-Christians typically have different values and morals than Christians. So why would you go out with someone who is a non-Christian?

Look at this text: “Do not be yoked together with unbelievers. For what do righteousness and wickedness have in common? Or what fellowship can light have with darkness?” (2 Corinthians 6:14, NIV).2

Do you understand what God is trying to say in this scripture? Christians and non-Christians live in two very different worlds, two very different realities. And if you begin to get “yoked up” (tied up) with somebody else who doesn’t see the world through the unique eyes of a Christ-follower, then typically, you’ll have trouble. You’ll end up constantly having to say no to doing things, saying things, watching things, and going places that Christ would never want you to do, say, watch, or go.

Now that we’ve answered the first question, next week we’ll answer the second question: “As a Christian, whom are you looking to please the most? God, yourself, or others? Whom should you be focused on pleasing ultimately?”
 Until next time, everyone, remember that God’s way is always the best way. Life is full of decisions, so make yours good ones. Make God first above all in your life, and you can’t go wrong.

Feel free to contact me: you can e-mail me at; or you can keep up with me on Facebook; or you can read more of my stuff on Miranda Writes, at; or you can check me out or send me a message at my Web site,; or you can reach me via snail mail (slow!) at the address printed below.

In Christ,
Omar Miranda, certified Christian counselor
Abundant Life Ministries
155 Earl Street
Plainville, GA 30733
Phone: 1-770-354-2912

1Unless otherwise noted, scripture quotations in this article are from the Contemporary English Version. Copyright © American Bible Society 1991, 1995. Used by permission.
2 Texts credited to NIV are from the Holy Bible, New International Version. Copyright © 1973, 1978, 1984, 2011 by Biblica, Inc. Used by permission. All rights reserved worldwide.

Omar Miranda is a Christian counselor with 20 years’ experience working with youth in public and private middle and high schools. He’s married and has two kids. He enjoys teaching the youth at his church, reading, writing, gardening, and camping. He’s a recovering knucklehead who spent a lot of time in the past doing stupid stuff away from God. He’s been back with God for years now and is eager to share what he’s learned from his experiences by answering any questions you may have about life, the Christian life, Jesus, spiritual matters, and relationships in his column, Miranda Writes.

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