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Miranda Writes: Looking for Love in All the Wrong Places

by Omar Miranda

I was perusing the Insight magazine discussion board online today when I came across this interesting post and decided to answer it from three perspectives: from the point of view of a counselor, a Christian, and a recovered sex/porn addict.

Here’s the post:

“If someone masturbates, are they still considered a virgin? Or are they actually committing adultery?”

Let me be clear: masturbation is adultery and a sin. Furthermore, it is emotionally and spiritually damaging to the individual. Now, God loves and forgives those who confess their sin and repent. He even still loves those who are practicing this sin, even if they don’t confess and repent. But whether you confess and repent or not, there will be consequences! But praise God that He specializes in the restoration of hearts, minds, habits, and lives.

The Bible makes it clear that having sex with anyone other than your spouse is adultery; thus, because masturbation is having sex with yourself, it is adultery. A lot of times people will try to justify their actions and behaviors by reasoning something like this: “I’m no longer having outright sex/affairs or looking at pornography, but I still have strong sexual urges. What’s the harm if I masturbate several times a day? I can get it down to just once a day and then, eventually, not at all. What’s the big deal? After all, I’m just fantasizing about my future husband/wife. I’m sure God would much prefer that I masturbate rather than look at porn or have sex with somebody else, right? I’m not getting anybody pregnant, or worried about getting some kind of freaky disease, or really hurting anybody, right?”

Wrong. And here are five reasons:

1. Your body is not yours to do with as you please. It belongs first to God. “Flee from sexual immorality. All other sins a person commits are outside the body, but whoever sins sexually, sins against their own body. Do you not know that your bodies are temples of the Holy Spirit, who is in you, whom you have received from God? You are not your own; you were bought at a price. Therefore honor God with your bodies” (1 Corinthians 6:18-20).* Meanwhile, if you’re married, your body belongs also to your spouse: “The husband should fulfill his marital duty to his wife, and likewise the wife to her husband. The wife does not have authority over her own body but yields it to her husband. In the same way, the husband does not have authority over his own body but yields it to his wife” (1 Corinthians 7:3, 4).

2. God wants you to trust Him that His Holy Spirit is strong enough to give you victory over your sexual urges. “His divine power has given us everything we need for a godly life through our knowledge of him who called us by his own glory and goodness. Through these he has given us his very great and precious promises, so that through them you may participate in the divine nature, having escaped the corruption in the world caused by evil desires” (2 Peter 1:3, 4).

 3. When you turn your attention to allowing God to take away the sex drive that you’ve built up, He will do it! God wants you to focus your sexual energy at the right time, with the right person, and in the right way: with your husband/wife. God doesn’t want you to fantasize about anybody. He wants you to have sex with your spouse, but this will mean that you have to wait. If you want to have an incredible relationship with your future spouse, then you must remember that emotional intimacy comes at an emotional price. If it doesn’t cost you anything emotionally, then it’s not true emotional intimacy. The actual sexual act with a living, breathing human being whom you are married to and have the blessing of God with is so much better than any fantasy that you could have cooked up in your own brain or anything you could have seen on the cable or the Internet.

You and I as Christians must resist temptation. This does not mean that we won’t fall and fail, but the question is: Are you actively resisting the “flesh”? The Word says: “No temptation has overtaken you except what is common to mankind. And God is faithful; he will not let you be tempted beyond what you can bear. But when you are tempted, he will also provide a way out so that you can endure it” (1 Corinthians 10:13). That’s a great promise. Claim it.

4. You will never be able to stop masturbation gradually, because every act serves to solidify it even deeper into your habits, personality, and character. When a guy or girl masturbates, a chemical is released into the brain that bonds them to whomever they are having sex with. In the case of masturbation, all you’re doing is bonding yourself to yourself, something not very conducive to creating a healthy marriage or any other type of relationship, romantic or just friendly. After all, who wants to be around someone who is selfish, narcissistic, and self-focused?

5. Fantasy turns the objects of your thoughts into a mere means of sexual “gratification.” This is not the biblical view of sex and sexuality. Biblical sex is all about using your body to meet your spouse’s needs, and by doing that, both of you are satisfied in ways that masturbation can never give you.

I hope that by discussing this issue, I have cleared up any obvious and not-so-obvious questions that you may have about masturbation. But if you still have questions, please feel free to contact me either by mail, phone, or e-mail. I’d love to speak with anybody and pray with them about this very important issue.
Until next time, remember these things: God’s way is always the best way. Life is full of decisions, so make yours good ones. Put God first in your life, and you can’t go wrong.

Feel free to contact me: you can e-mail me at; or you can keep up with me on Facebook; or you can read more of my stuff on Miranda Writes, at; or you can check me out or send me a message at my Web site,; or you can reach me via snail mail (slow!) at the address printed below.

In Christ,
Omar Miranda, certified Christian counselor
Abundant Life Ministries
155 Earl Street
Plainville, GA 30733
Phone: 1-770-354-2912

*Scripture quotations in this article are from the Holy Bible, New International Version. Copyright © 1973, 1978, 1984, 2011 by Biblica, Inc. Used by permission. All rights reserved worldwide.

Omar Miranda is a Christian counselor with 20 years’ experience working with youth in public and private middle and high schools. He’s married and has two kids. He enjoys teaching the youth at his church, reading, writing, gardening, and camping. He’s a recovering knucklehead who spent a lot of time in the past doing stupid stuff away from God. He’s been back with God for years now and is eager to share what he’s learned from his experiences by answering any questions you may have about life, the Christian life, Jesus, spiritual matters, and relationships in his column, Miranda Writes.

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