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Miranda Writes: Relationships, Part 3




by Omar Miranda

Basic differences between guys and girls

Now that we understand how we are created, let’s take a look at the basic differences between guys and girls. Now, we’re not going to be discussing the physical differences. You can see those rather easily. Instead we’re going to discuss the physiological, relational, and emotional changes that happen to guys and girls.

An important understanding

How do we relate this information to dating, relationships, and sex? Well, first it’s important to understand what God thinks about relationships . . . and sex. Sex is a beautiful thing, and it is meant to be used only and exclusively within the confines of a monogamous (one guy and one girl only), married, committed relationship between a man and a woman. God created sex and sexuality as a beautiful metaphor and expression of His ultimate connectivity, intimacy, and love between Himself (the man) and the church (the woman). For more information on this metaphor, see the entire Old Testament book of Hosea and also Ephesians 5:22-33. God also created sex to be used as a means of making sure that we don’t die out as a species. But lest we talk about sex in spiritual or in simply biological and reproductive terms only, the Bible is clear that God loved us so much He also created sex to be pleasurable to us and to feel good.

In the midst of all of these interesting facts about sex and sexuality we should not forget what God’s Word says in 1 Corinthians 6:12-20: “Some of you say, ‘We can do anything we want to.’ But I tell you that not everything is good for us. So I refuse to let anything have power over me. You also say, ‘Food is meant for our bodies, and our bodies are meant for food.’ But I tell you that God will destroy them both. We are not supposed to do indecent things with our bodies. We are to use them for the Lord who is in charge of our bodies. . . . Don’t you know that your bodies are part of the body of Christ? Is it right for me to join part of the body of Christ to a prostitute? No, it isn’t! Don’t you know that a man who does that becomes part of her body? The Scriptures say, ‘The two of them will be like one person.’ But anyone who is joined to the Lord is one in spirit with him. Don’t be immoral in matters of sex. That is a sin against your own body in a way that no other sin is. You surely know that your body is a temple where the Holy Spirit lives. The Spirit is in you and is a gift from God. You are no longer your own. God paid a great price for you. So use your body to honor God” (CEV).1

Our bodies are first God’s, and then ours. Sex is used to join—or more specifically, to glue—two people together for a lifetime. It’s the most relationally intimate thing that you can do with somebody else! It’s a pretty big deal!
Also, when you have sex either before marriage or with somebody who is not your husband or wife, you end up sinning very seriously. In fact, the Bible says that sexual sin is “a sin against your own body in a way that no other sin is” (1 Corinthians 6:18, CEV)! What does that mean? Next week we’ll discuss what this specific verse means.

God also says in 1 Thessalonians 4:3-5: “It is God’s will that you should be sanctified: that you should avoid sexual immorality; that each of you should learn to control his own body in a way that is holy and honorable, not in passionate lust like the heathen, who do not know God” (NIV).2

So what God is saying is this: If you’re a Christian, then you shouldn’t be having sex with anybody, ever, unless you’re married to them! God also says in this passage of Scripture that you should learn to control your body. In other words, if you’ve sinned sexually, then you can stop. Sex feels good, but that’s not the point. The point is God has told you to stop, so you should stop! And if God tells you to stop, then you can stop because God isn’t a liar. It’ll be hard to stop, but you can pray for the Holy Spirit to give you good sense (such as not putting yourself in situations where you could be tempted to have sex) and to give you the power to stop.

Differences


Now that we’ve covered what God has to say about sex and sexuality, let’s look at what happens to guys and girls relationally and emotionally when they become adolescents. In no particular order, let’s start with the guys.

Guys:
• Driven by their physical desires
• Crave physical intimacy, aka sex
• Sexually stimulated by what they see
• Give love to get sex
• Body can disconnect from mind and heart

Girls:
• Driven by their emotional desires
• Crave emotional intimacy
• Sexually stimulated by what they hear and feel
• Give sex to get love
• Body, mind, and heart are intricately connected

As you can see, emotionally guys and girls couldn’t be further apart, but this is where it’s important to know not only what the Bible has to say about dating and relationships, but also what science can uncover about the miracle of our brains when it comes to attraction, attachment, and bonding and how an understanding of these issues can lead us to have godly, pure, and responsible relationships. We’ll talk about this more next week.

Until then, remember these things: God’s way is always the best way. Life is full of decisions, so make yours good ones. Put God first in your life, and you can’t go wrong.

Feel free to contact me: you can e-mail me at omarmiranda@earthlink.net; or you can keep up with me on Facebook; or you can read more of my stuff on Miranda Writes, at www.insightmagazine.org; or you can check me out or send me a message at my Web site, thriveatlife.org; or you can reach me via snail mail (slow!) at the address printed below.

In Christ,
Omar Miranda, certified Christian counselor
Abundant Life Ministries
155 Earl Street
Plainville, GA 30733
Phone: 1-770-354-2912

1 Scripture quotations identified CEV are from the Contemporary English Version. Copyright © American Bible Society 1991, 1995. Used by permission.
2 Texts credited to NIV are from the Holy Bible, New International Version. Copyright © 1973, 1978, 1984, International Bible Society. Used by permission of Zondervan Bible Publishers.

Omar Miranda is a Christian counselor with 20 years’ experience working with youth in public and private middle and high schools. He’s married and has two kids. He enjoys teaching the youth at his church, reading, writing, gardening, and camping. He’s a recovering knucklehead who spent a lot of time in the past doing stupid stuff away from God. He’s been back with God for years now and is eager to share what he’s learned from his experiences by answering any questions you may have about life, the Christian life, Jesus, spiritual matters, and relationships in his column, Miranda Writes.
 





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