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My Great Decision

by Meagan Kalvoda

Move? At first I didnít want to. Then I made a decision to totally trust God to help me make the right choice.

 Standing on the edge of the rock, I watched water fall down 20 feet. I was out in the middle of who knows where on a school field trip. There was that almost-fall smell in the air, and I felt the anticipation of fun that you get on a camping trip after setting up your campsite.

My surroundings had mesmerized me so much that I almost failed to notice my new friend calling my name. On the rocks above me,  my friends were sitting in a little circle at the very top of an even larger waterfall. She patted the seat next to her. In that moment happiness  nudged me.
I never went on trips like this when I went to school in what seemed to me like a miserable hollow also known as Detroit. I hated living there. I went to public school, where no one was kind or loving to me. To gain friends you basically had to prove yourself to people. And when you made friends, that was the clan you usually stuck with through school.
After my dad left during my sixth grade year, things got tougher. I blamed God and questioned  Him about why I felt so miserable and depressed. When I woke up in the morning, I felt fine—I went to school as usual, hung out with my usual friends, came home, and did my usual amount of homework.
But at night it felt like all my problems just came crashing down on me, and I couldn’t get them out of my head. It was as if the devil knew right when I was vulnerable. One night I hit rock bottom.
I was trying to fall asleep before those thoughts flooded my mind again—thoughts about all the stuff I couldn’t control. Then thoughts swirled in my head of what it might be like if I killed myself. Those thoughts scared me. My heart rate went through the roof, and I couldn’t breathe.
My mom got scared and called an ambulance. Paramedics came, checked my heart rate, and suggested that I go to the hospital, since my heart was beating so fast.
At the hospital nurses checked my blood pressure and all the usual medical things they check. They came to the conclusion that I’d just experienced an anxiety attack, and they suggested that I go see a psychiatrist.
I was all for the idea. I wanted and felt that I needed it. I was so sick of not being able to go to sleep at night and fretting all the time about what was wrong with me. My parents weren’t too thrilled with the idea. They felt it was something I could fix on my own—it was just all in my head.
I spent the night with my dad in a nearby hotel. The room was quiet after the intensity of the night.
“Why don’t you come live with me in Tennessee?” he proposed.
Go to a whole new private school? Make new friends? Neither one of those ideas thrilled me. I’d lived in Michigan my whole life. I had friends I had grown up with since kindergarten and a small group of church friends I loved chilling with on Pathfinder trips. I didn’t want to move—at first.
But then a gut feeling basically told me that I had nothing to lose and that I should go. I felt God telling me, “Go, you have nothing to worry about. I’ll be with you.” It was the craziest thing.
Mom begged me to stay in Michigan. For all sane reasons it made total sense for me to stay. I should’ve had that fear of the unknown, but after I really thought about it, I didn’t.
I trusted that reassuring feeling I felt. For once in my life, I was actually totally trusting in God. I didn’t understand it—and my friends definitely didn’t understand it and weren’t happy about it—but I wasn’t scared. I wasn’t worried about whether or not I would make friends. I just somehow knew everything would turn out all right.
After the big Pathfinder camporee in Oshkosh, Wisconsin, I made the big move down to Collegedale, Tennessee, by riding home with the Ooltewah Pathfinders. School started the next day.
I loved my new school! Everyone was so nice. Right away I felt as though I connected with the students at my new school more than I had with the students up north. Spiritually we connected on a whole new level. After a few weeks, those sleepless nights vanished, and so did all those scary thoughts that I’d feared I’d never get rid of.
Standing on the edge of that rock, looking at my new group of friends while thinking about my past life, I realized that I’d made a good choice to trust God. I had put everything on the line, and in return I had gained a lot—God had changed my life for the better. With a smile on my face, I turned and ran to join my friends.
Meagan Kalvoda writes from Tennessee.

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