Cover Story

"Missing a Rib?"

Excuse me. I believe one of your ribs belongs to me.”

Sound familiar? Have you ever heard or used this line?
Many parents today think that their children are going to college to find a spouse. It’s great if they get a degree at the same time, but the “significant other” takes precedence. Given the age that many young people are when they arrive at college, this is not an entirely unreasonable expectation, but it adds pressure where none need exist.

When I hit my teenage years, I remember my dad telling me, “You should date Sarah.”

I still shudder at the thought. Sarah was the older sister of one of my classmates. Combine that with the fact that I barely knew the girl and had a pretty strong case against dating. That wasn’t the only time that my parents tried to set me up with someone. I had dinner once or twice with a couple of girls in my class, but that was my way of catching up with them.

Thankfully, when I got to college my parents didn’t try to give me dating advice. However, the school bombarded me with dating messages. Speed dating. Dating panels. Dating advice in the school newspaper. Maybe those were factors that played into my decision to ask a girl out.

My first girlfriend was someone I’d met during the summer, I had a morning class with, and who worked at the desk of my dormitory. At the least, those were reasons for talking. Once we started talking we discovered we liked each other’s company, and we started hanging out. From hanging out we progressed to driving across town just for a snack, holding hands at the roller rink, and then dating. I was her first boyfriend, and she was my first girlfriend.

It ended two weeks later.

Part of the problem was that while we had fun together, we weren’t really compatible in the long run. A lot of differences existed between us, and we didn’t have enough similarities to bridge the gap. The other part of the problem was that we had rushed into the relationship.

It’s not an isolated incident. Couples are sprouting on high school and college campuses as if Cupid hasn’t had a holiday in a millennium. I’m not against dating, but we might want to slow down. The life span hasn’t been cut to 30 years, humanity is nowhere near extinct, and mankind has been fruitful and multiplied. Racing for a spouse doesn’t mean you’ll take home the gold.

Allow me to suggest something radical, even borderline heretical: wait. Take a little more time to get to know God better before getting to know someone personally, closely. Spend your time trying to be a brother or sister instead of working to be a boyfriend or girlfriend. You’ll find that you have a very large social circle, you are greeted with hugs and backslaps, and you are happier because smiles are frequently aimed your way. Eventually one of those relationships may change, and instead of being siblings, you’ll be dating.

I know it sounds crazy. This could never happen, right? Wrong. This is the method that a friend of mine used, and he’s now happily married. It’s the method that I used, and I’m happily dating. I became friendly with a girl, we hung out some, and eventually she came to think of me as a younger brother.

After a little more time passed, I realized that she was the kind of woman that I was looking for. I had to wait eight or nine months before she agreed to date me, but we’ve been dating for almost two years now. I didn’t have to lower my expectations. I didn’t have to join the dating rush. I didn’t find a rib. And I didn’t use a pick-up line.

Joe Okimi writes from Nebraska.

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