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Things I Never Told You

December 11, 2007

We hadn’t talked for months when I called on his birthday.

My gift—although paling in comparison to the lavish gifts from him on my own birthday--was genuine and thoughtful. It had required an extra trip to a specialty shop the last time I was visiting my mother in Florida and had been purchased months in advance.

With the sale of the building which held his primary office and the impending sale of his home, though, I had no address to send it to. Calling in lieu of mailing a gift and a card may have been tacky, but in comparison to stalking his secretary to obtain a new address, it was more appropriate. Now, though, it seemed that his phone number had changed too. Either that or he was screening my calls.


It’s not that I didn’t take him seriously when he pushed the possibility of reconciliation in August. I still loved him, moreso than I have ever loved any boyfriend. But, life experience has inculcated that loving someone and acting on that love should sometimes be distinct. Healthy relationships require effort and endurance that often supercede our own willingness.

Tonight—a month after the voicemail that was never returned—he texted to ask if I could make arrangements to retrieve items left at his house two years ago. Truth be told, I replaced the forgotten baking and cookware a while ago and wrote off the charcoal drawings from college as a gift to him. It was he who had refused to let me throw the sketches away and I was content with the knowledge that he had chosen to keep them.

An hour into our conversation about the personal hardships that contributed to the lapse in talking, I was swelling with compassion. After hearing his controlled diatribe about a serious family issue, I asked hesitantly,

“Can I pray for your family?”

“Yes, you can pray for them,” he said.

In anticipation, I pushed the invitation one step further.

“Do you want me to pray with you right now, or maybe later in private?”

“No, you can pray later.”

He answered quickly and firmly, effectually squelching the direction I hoped the conversation would take. My heart sank at the finality of his reply, but I wasn’t shocked by it. No matter how good our relationship was, it was always my faith that united me to God--and separated me from him.

So, amidst the emotions stifling me is the knowledge sobering me. He may have never loved anyone like he loved me, but I did. And that’s why we didn’t make it.

- Re: Things I Never Told You from Enes, December 13, 2007

wow... What gets me is the line "Healthy relationships require effort and endurance that often supercede our own willingness" -its so true and making me rethink putting effort into dead relationships

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