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Jumping back in

September 19, 2006

The best parables have long been penned and far greater analogies have since been orated but nothing enlightens or reinforces, quite as much as ones own experience. Surviving a frightening, painful or unexpectedly risky experience is not really so bad, what's terrifying, IS HAVING to do it again!

Sometimes we just need a break. A moment to just collect ourselves and find our bearings. Too often though, we find ourselves in that moment, for a minute! Any break, is better than no break, when youíre hurt and totally stressed out. I just need to in some cases and want to in others, escape the stress and hurt at any cost.

Escapes vary in expression. Maybe: youíre not associating with people as much or at least not in the same ways; youíre pessimistically optimistic; your convictions wane; your enthusiasm erodes; you risk less, share less, trust less, believe less, excuse more; you seek a new identity; you push harder and go further; you without thought of consequence, face your fears in ways you once considered foolish; or maybe you just bury your dreams, hopes and desires one tear at a time. Regardless of what, itís all an attempt to stop the hurt.

Thing is though, life doesnít stop because we need a break, get hurt, mistreated, broken hearted or any number of cruel injustices we face from day to day. As a juggernaut, life knows only one direction; straight and one speed; full. And being born into this life, weíre in itís path!

Since we canít pause life, we are forced to take the ride. The whole ride. The longer we remain in our hide-a-ways, the more difficult it is get it back in. Getting out of the way for a minute, is the most self preserving action one can take in moments of hurt; especially when it hits unexpectedly. BUT, life keeps cominí right at you. Regardless of your wounds, fears and tears, it bears down.

As I clung to the smooth wet boulder in the middle of the rapid, water soaring all about me, I caught as many breathes as I could realizing I had to jump right back into the rapids, to reach my raft, which was about 50 yards away. I had a moment to regain my composure on that rock but was hardly out of danger. My safety was in sight straight ahead of me but the rapid was the only transport to reach it.

Those moments on that rock, in the middle of that rapid, I had reinforced the idea that life goes on with or without you. As much as life hurts at times, I still want it to go on with me. Lord, thank you for your mercy. Before I die, I pray to see the desires of my heart having rode the ride the best I knew how. Please Lord, have mercy!

- Re: Jumping back in from misty, October 13, 2006

Some times it is hard, when you are in the middle of swriling, gushing waters,to see the calm waters ahead. The rapids suck the life out of people,and the calm replenishes. I love to swim and thought all waters were the same; so I jumped into the rapids, and they were relentless, i tried to swim, but the more i tried the more it pushed and pulled me in different different directions, and i tried to subdue to the waters, laying dosile trying not to fight it, but it only pushed me and pulled me harder. There were rocks and sticks and lots of debre always coming my way. I made it out but it took along time for me to go swimming again, because i already know about water and it is much easier staying out of it. Then i seen a lake, which was different than the rapids but didn't have any push or pull, it was completely neutral, resistenceless. It didn't seem to care if anyonewas in it or not, and this left me feeling... unimportant. So now i know abt two types of water and researched other types, and though i don't know exactly what i do want i know that the rapids and the lake are not it, and from research others that i have no interest in exploring. I am now interested in the ocean, which has density to help floating, it has waves for versatility, it may pull you down briefly but always pushes you right back up and though exciting to swim in, it wants you to float. its a compromise between the agressive and the stale. good luck finding your ocean.

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