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How do you make someone stop following you around at school?

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How do you make someone stop following you around at school?—Anonymous


Asa Answers:

Dear Anonymous,

Are you sure the two of you don’t have the same class schedule? It’s possible that you are in the same area because of your grade or courses. If you do not know why it appears someone is following you, take time to look at all the variables. The good news is that in a school you can always ask for help from, or express concern to, a teacher or staff member. If you have any doubt about your safety, talk to one of these people.

If you know why the person is following you, it’s a different story. In high school the most likely reason someone is following you around is that they like you or they don’t like you. If a boy is following you around, he is probably romantically interested. If it’s a girl, she could be looking for friendship or maybe approval. If they don’t like you, they are most likely following you around to talk trash or start trouble. There are some steps you can take in both cases.

If someone is following you around because they like you, the solution is pretty easy. The first step is having a discussion and politely asking them to stop following you around school. You can inform them that it’s a little embarrassing and you don’t like the attention you get from it. Remember, they are not doing it to bother you, so don’t be harsh at first. Asking them in a nice fashion to stop is usually enough to solve the problem.

If you have already talked to them and it has not worked, or you know they don’t like you, try the second step: mediation. Mediation is asking a third party to get involved. The third party should be objective and neutral. For this reason your friends won’t do. This person should also work for the school. Your guidance counselor is usually trained to handle these situations. There should also be a mental health therapist or behavioral specialist who can help too. Look for these individuals and express your feelings about the situation. Ask them to help you resolve the problem. They will be able to set up and enforce boundaries that will improve the issue.

If the first two steps do not work, ask your parents to come to school with you. You should inform your parents about what’s happening the entire time. They should be able to talk with the assistant principal, or principal, about what you are going through and find solutions to the problem. You should know that resolution may include such things as a schedule change and a different lunch. But don’t feel bad about it, because it’s all part of the solution.

If you noticed, the pattern that we followed here is similar to the pattern that Jesus described in Matthew 18, when He outlined how to deal with a brother who has offended you. Verse 15 says to see him in private to discuss the fault. Verse 16 says to get one or two more people if he doesn’t listen the first time. And if he still won’t listen, Jesus says take it to the church. This passage is sandwiched between the parable of the lost sheep and Christ’s lesson on forgiveness. At some point during this process you may have to take responsibility and extend forgiveness. Keep an open mind and let God lead you to make the right decisions. It would be a good idea to read Matthew 18 before you begin your conversations. It will provide direction and ensure you start with the right spirit.



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