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What do you do when you like a guy, and you know you have no chance with him?

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What do you do when you like a guy, and you know you have no chance with him?—Breana.


Tiffany Answers:

Dear Breana,

The first question I have is What makes him unattainable in your eyes? Is it that he’s already attached to someone else? If that’s the case, there is no use fishing in someone else’s lake, and it’s best to move on. Is it that he’s older and has nothing in common with you? This is a big factor, especially if you are underage and he’s not. Again, better to move on (quickly) from that scenario. The last option I am considering is that you may think he is so incredible that you have no chance of obtaining the favor of this fabulous guy. He’s the cutest guy in the class, and you think you are the ugly duckling. He’s Mr. Everything and you feel as if you’re one of the “commoners.” The issue here is that, for some reason, you might think you are not good enough for him.

Before you enter into any relationship it is very important to get a really good outlook on the absolutely wonderful person that God created you to be. The Bible says that we are fearfully and wonderfully made (Psalm 139:14). He doesn’t make junk. He doesn’t make “the unlovable.” All of God’s creation is fabulous, including you.

The reason it is so crucial to understand this before you get into a relationship is that your self-esteem is too valuable for it to be cut down when someone hurts you or for it to be challenged when someone decides they don’t want to be with you. You don’t want to be pressured into choices you don’t agree with by somebody because he is “too incredible” and you don’t want to lose him. Relationships work when two people share similar interests, values, goals, both equally look out for the other’s best interest, and both allow God to be in their relationship (just to name a few things).

Take the time to develop yourself and appreciate who you are as a person before jumping into the “relationship waters.” Develop your talents and interests by getting out there and joining some organizations that cater to them. Develop plain old friendships, including with guys. Activities such as these may seem unimportant, but they give your confidence a huge boost. When you appreciate who you are, you won’t be as likely to question whether or not you’re “good enough” for someone, and you will be more apt to seek out someone who complements you versus someone who makes you feel bad about yourself.

You will find that this type of clarity comes with maturity, so don’t be rushed to jump into a relationship in your junior high and high school years. Enjoy the journey! I’m praying for you.



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