Advice

How do you know if a Christian guy is into a Christian girl?

Dear Jay,

It’s easy: he tells her. Sounds too simple to be right, huh? But people with a mature emotional foundation don’t have trouble letting others know how they feel.

As a guy, I’ve learned a few things about girls. One thing I’ve learned is that if you don’t tell them how you feel about them, they won’t know.

There was a guy who really liked my older sister. It was obvious to me and everyone else that he really liked her, but she kept saying, “But he hasn’t told me anything.” When this guy asked my sister to marry him, it shocked her.

The point is, if a guy likes a girl, he can drop all kinds of hints, but girls use anything short of direct declarations as cause to doubt. From what I can tell, guys don’t have this issue. When my sisters tell my little brother that a girl likes him, he usually responds, “Yeah, that’s probably true.” But what I’m saying is that a guy has to directly tell a girl he likes her.

Another thing I’ve learned is that most girls aren’t very direct. They say they are, but their definition is different. When a guy says “direct,” he means straightforward, frank, candid, absolute, or exact. When a girl says “direct,” she may mean to indicate or suggest without explicitly stating that there were the necessary circumstances for you to know something.

So how does a Christian guy let a girl know that he likes her? Well, first he does research. He talks to an older guy that he trusts. He answers some questions about her. He narrows down the things that he likes about her. He becomes aware of how he acts around her. He evaluates whether this relationship would be God-ordained or based on impulse. He observes her with her friends in group settings. He learns about her character. What is she like with her mom and dad?

While he’s doing all these things, he prays until he can make a good decision. And once he’s made a decision that’s based on prayer, and if that decision is to tell the girl how he feels, it’s time to man up. He just has to swallow his doubt and say it. It will come out differently for different people, of course.

I was pretty direct when I did it. My speech went something like “I like you, and we should date.”

(Of course, she had a small say in the whole dating thing.) There’s not much use in planning to say elaborate things; you won’t remember them, and it’s better to be genuine.

After a guy tells a girl how he feels about her, she may reject him. It happens. If it does, he should pray about it, take a week to get over the sting, then move on and be glad that God didn’t let him make a mistake. If he doesn’t  get rejected, that’s cool. But then the hard work starts. Either way, the girl will know he’s into her.

A guy who’s a player or that is up to no good is going to have trouble with a few of these steps. Even shy Christian guys may take a little longer to go through them. However, following these steps will lead to good communication and perhaps a better outcome.