Advice

How do you deal with your mother when she’s acting really annoying?

Dear Annoyed,

The most annoying thing about mothers is that they know exactly what to do to make you angry. Sometimes it may seem like they say things just to annoy you!
The mother-and-son relationship is the second-oldest in the world, after the husband-and-wife relationship. In our time mother-and-son relationships seem strained—mothers and sons don’t seem to bond the way they used to; they seem to fight a lot more. Through the years mothers have changed, and so have sons, and those changes have affected the relationship.

One breakdown in the mother-and-son relationship occurs when mothers have to be single mothers. Raising a son without male support is tremendously hard. Boys look to their fathers and imitate them. When a mother has to be a father, things get complicated. Many women say they can do anything a man can do, but none of them can make better fathers than a man.

My father was not very involved in my life. I expected my mother to fill his void, and it annoyed me that she didn’t know how to fill it. Looking back, I see that my mother did her best. If your mother is a single mother, cut her a little slack. She too is probably doing her best.

If you are from a two-parent home, then the problem likely has to do with responsibility, with doing your part.

The best way to know if you are a man is to interact with women, which may sound crazy, but hear me out. When you are with a bunch of guys who are all claiming to be men, it’s possible that they are all boys who don’t know how to interact with older people. You can make an honest assessment about where you stand when you are with women. You are getting older. Your mother knows this, and she may be trying to prepare you for interactions with older people.

Believe it or not, women share a lot of similarities. If you can’t get along with your mother, you’ll have trouble getting along with women when you’re older. When you’re a teen, it’s easy to get along with girls. But when you get to, say,  22, you’ll see my point. Your mother’s preparation may be annoying you now, but it’s good for you—it’s making you a better person.

Whatever your case may be, the best way to deal with an annoying mother is to respect her as an adult. I had really outrageous arguments with my mom until I learned that if I stayed calm and spoke respectfully to her, she couldn’t get angry, because she’d look foolish yelling at someone who wasn’t yelling back at her. When I was calm, she had to be calm. Treating her this way showed her that I was ready to be an adult and to talk like one.

Remember that Exodus 20:12 says: “Honor your father and your mother, that your days may be long upon the land which the Lord your God is giving you.” Talking to your mother respectfully and listening to her perspective will not only stop your arguments, but also show her respect. Respecting your mother will call the blessing of God down on you. As a result, you’ll enjoy a better life.
While counting to 10 before you speak to your mother may help you calm down, creating a habit of respect will help you build a mother-and-son relationship that blesses both you and your mother.