Advice

Thinking about my ex constantly is starting to drive me a little batty. Has this happened to anyone before? What do you think I should do?

Dear Got Dumped,

Getting dumped is the pits. It hurts every time you look at the person. It’s really tense and awkward whenever you’re in the same room or you pass in the hall. And every time you’re having fun and have put the breakup out of your mind, someone mentions it, and it ruins the good time.

I can see from your question that you’ve thought a lot about the relationship. I just want to bring out a couple of points about relationships between teen girls and guys. These points may not make you feel any better, although I hope they do, but they’re very important to consider.

The first point is that we learn things in every relationship. What we forget sometimes is that when a relationship ends, there’s still a lot to learn. Take some time and really evaluate your relationship with your ex.

Often during relationships the Holy Spirit will send us little red flags that let us know when there are things that need to be discussed and corrected in the relationship. We often ignore the issues, because they’re too hard to talk about or we think they’ll work themselves out. Know what I’m talking about? Say a prayer and ask God to show you what you can learn from your past relationship that you can apply in your next relationship.

The second point to consider is your age. Girls in their teens change a lot. I know, because I have two younger sisters, one in her early 20s and the other in her late teens. As they’ve grown, I’ve made a few observations.

When teen girls are 14, they’re just finishing up their Barbie phase. When they’re 16, they’re starting to become a part of the world around them—they’re learning to drive and are looking for jobs. They start  thinking about what they want to become—a dentist, musician, politician, etc. When they’re 18, they’re deciding which college to attend and what type of friends they’re going to have. And they change their minds about careers and peer groups. When girls change into women, plenty happens.

As teen guys mature, they change too. Since teen girls and guys change as they mature, it can cause teen couples to grow apart. So two people who are changing dramatically in their teens and early 20s shouldn’t make long-lasting relationship decisions at that age. Take my word for it: your decision-making abilities at age 18 are a far cry from what they are when you’re 25. That’s why it’s best not to date during your teen years.

Now, when a young guy tells you that he loves you and wants to spend the rest of his life with you, keep in mind that he doesn’t know what the rest of his life means, and he’s still forming his definition of love. For those reasons, don’t get
attached to those statements.

The last and most important thing to remember is that your relationship with God should be the foundation upon which all your other relationships rest. God should be your source of happiness and your source of love for others.

Going through a breakup is tough, but God didn’t make everything bland, so don’t let the end of a relationship do to you what God hasn’t done.

Remember that neither “height nor depth, nor any other created thing, shall be able to separate us from the love of God which is in Christ Jesus our Lord”
(Romans 8:39).