Advice

In the Bible it’s said, “Love your enemies.” The person who’s my enemy is the person who raped me.

Dear Questioning,

First of all, let me say how sorry, hurt, and pained I am that you encountered such a horrific experience. It’s an act meant to control, dominate, destroy, and steal. But I am praying that instead of the situation defining your future, by the grace of God you will claim the victory in the end.

The passage that you are likely referring to is found in Matthew 5:43, 44: “You have heard that it was said, ‘You shall love your neighbor and hate your enemy.’ But I say to you, love your enemies, bless those who curse you, do good to those who hate you, and pray for those who spitefully use you and persecute you.” Now, does this mean that you have to become best friends with your persecutor and hang out with them? Absolutely not! Does this mean not allowing a seed of hate to grow and fester in your heart toward this person? Yes. Does it mean forgiveness for this person and praying that the Lord takes control of their heart? At some point, yes.

Now, before anyone cries “foul” and gets mad that I would suggest such a thing, let’s break it down. The verse that follows the passage quoted above reads: “that you may be sons of your Father in heaven; for He makes His sun rise on the evil and on the good, and sends rain on the just and on the unjust” (verse 45). In the Greek language, which is what the New Testament was originally written in, there are four words that we generally translate as “love.” But the four words mean different things, therefore giving different meanings to what is meant by “love.” One of the Greek words we translate as “love” talks about family love and affection. Another one stands for sexual love and passion. Still another means a sentimental, tender affection. But the word we’re working with in Matthew 5:44—agapan—means to have an invincible goodwill toward a person that seeks their highest good and to not harbor bitterness toward them—regardless of what they’ve done. It’s a determination of the mind—not necessarily a feeling of the heart—and something we can do only with Jesus’ help. Basically, it means to regard them as Christ regards them. This is calling us to subscribe to a heavenly ordained way of thinking when it comes to our issues.

Our earthly selves think of a person who could do such a despicable thing as rape, and we want blood, specifically theirs. We want them to suffer the same way they caused suffering. We grow to hate and despise these individuals. The reason God calls us to forgive and to “love” is not for the enemy as much as it is for us. When hate is allowed to grow in us, it actually destroys our life more than the persecutor’s. We become defined by the awful things done to us, which lets them cripple us from reaching the heights that God wants us to reach. Now, are such individuals exonerated from their crimes? Realize that every sin has its consequences, but also realize that instead of us having to worry about forcing people to “pay,” God’s got it. Romans 12:19 states that vengeance is God’s. Nothing escapes His view, and rest assured, He deals with them. This frees us from having this act hang over us. The act of forgiveness is giving God control to govern the things of this world. And believe me, with God in control, everything ultimately ends up in the best interest for everyone.

To view things in this way is certainly not easy, especially in the face of such an act. This is why I say to you, if you haven’t done so already, and in addition to praying for God’s help, seek out the guidance of a pastor and/or professional Christian counselor. If you haven’t told a trusted adult (ideally, a parent), I strongly suggest you do. The reason to reach out is that there are tons of heavy, painful feelings to deal with when it comes to dealing with a rape, and you are going to need a support system to see you down the road of recovery. But recovery IS possible! God is a restorer, and He will restore, and you will find yourself victorious through Christ and able to reclaim that which your raper sought to take from you. Do realize that I have been, am, and will continue to be praying for you! God bless.