Advice

Where can I find Adventist guys to just date normally?

Dear Exotik Flower,
I’m assuming that your commitment to dating Seventh-day Adventist guys is based on a desire to be “equally yoked” instead of “unequally yoked” (see 2 Corinthians 6:14-18), and to date someone with whom you’re spiritually compatible. That’s an awesome decision!

I would suggest that you even take it a step further than that. Make sure the Adventist guy you’re considering dating is also spiritually compatible. (Sad to say, there are “lukewarm” Adventists out there.)

Before you decide whether to start dating anyone, you want to make sure that you’re spiritually, emotionally, and mentally ready to handle a relationship. You definitely want to make sure you’re maintaining your spiritual connection with God: first, because it’ll help you to be the person you need to be in order to handle a relationship; and second, because God will help you make wise decisions when it comes to the dating arena and finding the right person to date.

You always want to remember that you never want to compromise your strongly held Christian beliefs just so you can have someone to date. There are some surface things that we may want in our dream guy, but that we don’t have to have. I mean, the guy you date doesn’t have to be at least six feet tall. He doesn’t have to have piercing green eyes. And so on. However, he does have to measure up to your spiritual standards. That’s not something you want to compromise on—even if the Adventist-guy pickings are slim.

Remember, when the Lord is ready to bless you with a relationship, it will all fit into place. Maybe it’s not fitting into place for you right now because it’s not God’s appointed time for you to be in a relationship yet. As David says: “Wait on the Lord; be of good courage” (Psalm 27:14).

In the meantime, get to know people and socialize in a healthy, wholesome way. Does your church have an active youth department with a lot of social activities? If so, participate in what’s been planned. If not, volunteer to help plan some. If there aren’t a lot of young people at your church, perhaps your youth group can do joint programs with youth groups from other Adventist
churches in the area. Through these socials, you’ll have opportunities to
learn how to get to know people without any pressure.

When it comes time to go to college, strongly consider attending an Adventist college or university if at all possible. In college you’ll have access to a much wider pool of individuals. Plus you’ll be at an age more appropriate to start dating on a serious level (“serious” meaning contemplating marriage).

Your question brings to mind the warning of the Shulamite girl that’s given three times in the Song of Solomon: “Do not stir up nor awaken love until it pleases” (2:7; 3:5; 8:4). To me, this means that matters of the heart cannot be rushed; they must take place at their God-appointed time.

Meanwhile, stay observant, be friendly, and continue to allow your dating decisions to be guided by God. I think when you do these things, you
may meet some Adventist guys who aren’t “indifferent.”